Company Values Exercise Exposes Total Lack Of Ambition


A company that asked its employees to define their shared values has discovered a surprising result.  The firm has realised that it is the least ambitious company in the history of the world.

Staff had the choice of numerous nouns describing values including: passion, ambition, collaboration, inspiration, agility, fun.  Employees could also propose options which would trend if several people had the same idea.

The final results after a month of polling were:

  • Apathy
  • Rigidity
  • Mistrust
  • Animosity
  • Divisiveness

Employee John Smith said: “the thing is, we’ve had all this crap before, just because the management now ask us to participate instead of just ramming it down our throat doesn’t make it any less pointless: nothing will change around here.  In fact all I did was propose the values that I actually see.”

CEO Florent Barnier said: “We did our duty to look cool, if the people aren’t interested in revolutionising this company then it’ll be their fault when we fail to achieve our goals this year”.  He then climbed into his huge German chauffer driven company car and headed off to a company dinner with the other board members.

The never ending story of ‘management’ and ’employees’ not communicating as sentient human being continues.  This is satire; nothing here is true.

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