Teams at a large bank face a yearly ritual called 'the headcount challenge'. In simple terms, the ritual involves the head of HR handing out new headcount targets to each division on the basis of cost reductions. The joke is of course that no manager can actually do anything: it is impossible to fire people … Continue reading Headcount Tactics
Keen young hopeful drops dead while following plan for ‘successful’ people
A young woman who was sure she was headed for the top, has been found dead at her desk, it has emerged. The tragedy is that Katie Jones, was found with her laptop open and displaying line after line the following statement: "all work and no play will make Katie a super CEO one day". … Continue reading Keen young hopeful drops dead while following plan for ‘successful’ people
Talent Program Exposed As A Cloning Program
A large high tech business has been in hot water with the Health and Safety Executive after a whistle-blower claimed that their 'talent development program' was actually a 'CEO clone development program'. For years it seems that talents were subjected to brainwashing, drugging and corporate challenges to see how closely they could replicate their aging … Continue reading Talent Program Exposed As A Cloning Program
Man Spontaneously Declares Himself Competent Because He Starts Doing Something.
In a world of complex competence management systems, employee Marcellin Bertin has had the courage to claim that he can do something and therefore is competent. This has lead to an immense outcry and the threat of disciplinary action by his company's HR department, who claim that they are the ones who know about competence and … Continue reading Man Spontaneously Declares Himself Competent Because He Starts Doing Something.